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It can be hard to know what to say or do when someone you care about is experiencing abuse. We offer guidance on listening, supporting, and connecting them with safe resources.
Domestic violence (or intimate partner violence) is a pattern of behaviors used by one person to maintain power and control over another person with whom they have a relationship. It can include any physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological action or threats of actions that exploit the other person.
Many forms of abuse can be going on at any one time. Physical abuse does not need to be present or threated for the relationship to be abusive.
Having an understanding of domestic violence and knowledge of warning signs is the first step to help someone you know. Familiarize yourself with what domestic violence is (see our "Identifying Abuse" tab), how it works, and why victims find it difficult to escape abuse.
Talk to them. If you have concerns about someone's situation, talking to them in a safe and private location is a good idea. Approach conversations in a comfortable and compassionate way.
Make sure to keep the conversation confidential; information getting back to the person doing harm could be very dangerous for the survivor. You can express your concerns and offer support or resources if you have them. Isolation is a powerful tool in maintaining power and control, letting the survivor know you are there for them if they ever need it can make a huge difference.
Don't take it personally if the survivor doesn't take or want your advice. Educate yourself on the barriers to leaving an abusive situation. The survivor knows their situation better than anyone on the outside; aim to understand the reasons the survivor is staying.
Common reasons include:
Leaving is a process, not an event. It takes on average 7 to 8 attempts to leave an abusive situation for good. It's also important to recognize that abuse usually doesn't end when the survivor leaves, making it a much harder decision to take that step. During and immediately after leaving is, statistically, the most likely time an abusive person will kill their partner.
Every year Safe Haven provides support and a soft-landing for more than 2500 survivors fleeing dangerous situations.
If you would like to support survivors by helping to fund Safe Haven's services, you can submit donations through our website or by dropping off or mailing a check to 414 W 1st St, Duluth, MN 55802. If you would like to make a monetary donation in another way please reach out to our Director of Philanthropy, Carin.
If you are interested in volunteering your time or services, please see the "Volunteer" tab under "Get Involved".
Feel free to call us anytime at 218-728-6481. Advocates are always available to talk.
