Examples of Abuse

Abuse comes in many forms, and can happen to anyone. Here are some common examples of abusive behaviors.

Pulling your hair, punching, slapping, kicking, biting or choking you
Forbidding you from eating or sleeping
Damaging your property when they’re angry (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc.)
Using weapons to threaten to hurt you or themselves, or actually hurting you or themselves with weapons
Trapping you in your home or keeps you from leaving
Preventing you from calling the police or seeking medical attention
Withholding prescriptions or hormones
Harming your children
Abandoning you in unfamiliar places
Driving recklessly or dangerously when you are in the car with them
Forcing you to use drugs or alcohol (especially if you’ve had a substance abuse problem in the past)

Calling you names, insulting you or continually criticizing you
Refusing to trust you and acting jealous or possessive
Trying to isolate you from family or friends
Attempting to control who you see, where you go, what you do, or any other aspect of your life
Demanding to know where you are every minute
Punishing you by withholding affection
Threatening to hurt you, the children, your family, or your pets
Humiliating you
Blaming you for the abuse
Gaslighting
Accusing you of cheating and being often jealous of your outside relationships
Serially cheating on you and then blaming you for his or her behavior
Cheating on you intentionally to hurt you and then threatening to cheat again
Cheating to prove that they are more desired, worthy, etc. than you are
Attempting to control your appearance or presentation: clothing, makeup, binders, prosthetics, wigs, etc.
Referring to you by the wrong pronouns or calling you “it”
Telling you that you will never find anyone better, or that you are lucky to be with a person like them
Making you feel like you’re not good enough

Forcing you to dress in a sexual way
Insulting you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names
Forcing or manipulating you into to having sex or performing sexual acts
Holding you down during sex
Demanding sex when you’re sick, tired, or after hurting you
Hurting you with weapons or objects during sex
Involving other people in sexual activities with you against your will
Ignoring your feelings regarding sex
Forcing you to watch pornography
Purposefully trying to pass on a sexually transmitted infection to you
Making you feel like you owe them (because you’re in a relationship, because you’ve had sex before, because they spent money on you or bought you a gift, etc.)
Giving you drugs and alcohol to “loosen up” your inhibitions
Playing on the fact that you’re in a relationship, saying things such as: “Sex is the way to prove your love for me,” “If I don’t get sex from you I’ll get it somewhere else”
Reacting negatively with sadness, anger or resentment if you say no or don’t immediately agree to something
Continuing to pressure you after you say no
Making you feel threatened or afraid of what might happen if you say no
Trying to normalize their sexual demands that you say no to

Refusing to use protection during sex
Breaking or removing protection during sex
Lying about their methods birth control (ex. lying about having a vasectomy, lying about being on the pill)
Refusing to “pull out” if that is the agreed upon method of birth control
Forcing you to not use any birth control (ex. the pill, condom, shot, ring, etc.)
Removing birth control methods (ex. rings, IUDs, contraceptive patches)
Sabotaging birth control methods (ex. poking holes in condoms, tampering with pills or flushing them down the toilet)
Withholding finances needed to purchase birth control
Monitoring your menstrual cycles
Forcing pregnancy and not supporting your decision about when or if you want to have a child
Forcing you to get an abortion, or preventing you from getting one
Threatening you or acting violent if you don’t comply with their wishes to either end or continue a pregnancy
Continually keeping you pregnant (getting you pregnant again shortly after you give birth)

Giving an allowance and closely watching how you spend it or demanding receipts for purchases
Placing your paycheck in their bank account and denying you access to it
Preventing you from viewing or having access to bank accounts
Forbidding you to work or limiting the hours that you can work
Maxing out credit cards in your name without permission or not paying the bills on credit cards, which could ruin your credit score
Stealing money from you or your family and friends
Using funds from children’s savings accounts without your permission
Living in your home but refusing to work or contribute to the household
Making you give them your tax returns or confiscating joint tax returns
Refusing to give you money to pay for necessities/shared expenses like food, clothing, transportation, or medical care and medicine

Tells you who you can or can’t be connected with on Facebook, Snapchat, and other social media.
Sends you negative, insulting, or even threatening emails, posts, tweets, snaps, or other messages online.
Uses apps/sites like Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, foursquare, and others to keep constant tabs on you.
Puts you down in their status updates.
Sends you unwanted, explicit pictures and demands you send some in return.
Pressures you to send explicit video.
Shares explicit photos/videos of you without your consent (aka revenge porn)
Steals or insists to be given your passwords.
Constantly texts you and makes you feel like you can’t be separated from your phone for fear that you will be punished.
Looks through your phone frequently, checks up on your pictures, texts and outgoing calls.
Tags you unkindly in pictures on Instagram, Tumblr, Facebook, etc.

Safe Haven acknowledges the National Domestic Violence Hotline for much of this information.